Monday, September 19, 2005

Hey, it's been a while, but i've been a little busy getting started with school. This is for all of my teachers right now. When I say my dog ate it, I'm not joking. Luckily it was mostly just my art history books. Richard Williams made it out without a scratch and so did my Illusion of Life.

This isn't specifically animation-related but speaking of art, the bad thing about being at an art school is being surrounded by "artitsts." Here are my observations on how to be a great artist. Simply follow these steps:

1. Study the classics. This will give you something to talk with other “artists” about at gallery openings. If you have no interest in the classics, that’s okay. You can still have a conversation with other artists by talking bad about the government, corporate greed and conspiracy theories.

2. Learn to paint. Or don’t, but be familiar with the process so if you’re asked about your work habits, you can say things like " impasto" or "glazing" instead of just talking about the fact that you like to paint in your underwear while listening to Radiohead.

3. Get in the habit of talking about your work in a way that makes others feel like they understand it. This is key. Placating the masses will make them feel good that they “get art.“ That’s how you sell your work.

4. Have a keen sense of what galls people. Keep in mind what people hold close to their hearts, particularly religion, family and not wanting to see nudity when the sun is up. With this knowledge you will be able to shout louder than any other artist who is trying to gain recognition based on skill alone.

5. Once you’ve arrived, that is, once your work has been labeled as controversial, you can relax. You can make a fortune by taking on “students.” Teach them what you know, which shouldn’t take long, and let them loose in your studio. Just make sure they don’t find out that you are selling their work as your own.

After doing all the things on this list, you should have a pretty good career lined up. People will be tearing down your door. You’ll be rich and successful and people will talk about your work in terms of “Have you seen the new…? It‘s really amazing. I think he works in his underwear.” But to really make your mark there is one final step. It is a hard step, but there is no other way to become a truly great artist. You have to die. The method you choose is up to you, but it has to be done. You can drink yourself to death, overdose on heroine (though this seems to be more popular with musicians than artists), fall out of a building, contrancting syphilis was a popular one in the past or you can shoot yourself. In fact, if you set up a canvas just right and are a pretty good shot, you can make this your final piece. This will cement you as a truly great artist. You’ll be labeled “ahead of your time” and “a true visionary.” The best part of this whole system is that you did it all without taking all of those annoying life drawing classes.


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